


Keeping up with the Skywalkers

by Gemna_Destiny_Seer



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asajj Ventress Lives, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack Treated Seriously, Darth Vader Redemption, Everyone makes assumptions, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, PLEASE ADOPT, Rumors, outline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26472211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemna_Destiny_Seer/pseuds/Gemna_Destiny_Seer
Summary: Based on the Tumblr Post:au where darth vader declares that he’s Luke’s father Luke comes to the (entirely reasonable) conclusion that darth vader and anikan skywalker were married“How could you kill your HUSBAND?!”and Luke gets away with his hand because Anakin’s too confused trying to figure out when he and Obi Wan got married and why he’s only learning about it nowMy brain immediately started with this.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 17
Kudos: 145





	Keeping up with the Skywalkers

So Luke goes back to the Rebellion and they are all like “how did you escape?” Because he is a very confused cinnamon roll he blurts out that Vader claimed to be his father but that must have meant he killed his husband, Anikan and Luke just dOesN’t nO WhaT tO dO. The rebels are all like oh shit that’s a thing and immediately start going “Vader must not have always been Vader, so who was he?” and asking everyone who lived through that era who Anikan hung out with.

Meanwhile, Vader goes back to the Emperor and basically does the same as Luke and asks when he and Obi-wan were married because he doesn’t remember. The Emperor is so confused but hey if he can push Vader further into the dark, he’s down and tells him a version of a love story that is oddly plausible with the events. Said story ends with Obi-wan stealing Luke and betraying Vader and the Empire and Vader vowing revenge. How can he not remember this? Of course all of the servants (including one Mara Jade) overhear this and immediately about a dozen rumors spawned about this new tragic romance.

Back with the rebels, everyone becomes super invested in finding out who Vader was (and finding Han because he Needs to hear this). Then the spies hear the rumors zipping around the Empire about the tragedy of Obi-Wan and Vader and they all just leap to the wrong conclusion. Vader, Obi-wan and Anikan must have been in a triadic relationship! Then someone remembers that Quinlan Vos had fallen to the Dark before and again conclusions are jumped to and Vader is now assumed to be the missing Vos. Which has anyone who lived in that time shrugging and agreeing.

Then Luke decides to get a DNA test and suddenly, who the f is Padmé Amidala? Which is shortly followed by a “that was my birth mother” from Leia and then she gets a test and now there’s a thousand rumors on how it’s possible for her and Luke to be twins. This ranges from polygamous relationship involving Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, “Quinlan Vos” and Padmé Amidala to Padmé being their surrogate. Then someone remembers that the Organas would need to be involved as well and that quickly escalates too.

Before the newfound siblings have known about each other for a week they have about fifty other “parents” that they never knew about before. The fact one of them is Vader doesn’t even seem to register with the rest of the Rebels. (This is most likely because another rumor added Palpatine as a parent. As far as the twins are concerned, this Jixton fellow had better run because that was just uncalled for.)

Back to the various spies of both sides, they get very invested in figuring out what happened. To the point that several spies, when their cover is blown, offer up new rumors on the topic in exchange for freedom. This does not help the situation.

So at some point Ahsoka hears the rumors and after just about dying laughing she runs into Vader and instead of panicking she just laughs harder because this is hilarious. Vader is Sooo confuzed and so she tells him the whole mess of rumors and he is like, I don’t remember any of this and Soka just goes, sit down, imma tell you a thing. Then she tells the actual story as she knows it (which is mostly the truth) but admits that he and Obi-Wan were very close, so that totally could have happened. (The Quinlan Vos thing is mentioned once and both of them started snickering). Vader ends up taking Sokas comm info and they have causal chats all the time talking about the rumors. (Vader has no idea what to do with the Palpatine Rumor.)

In the midst of the madness, Luke and Leia go to Degobah and train with Yoda in hopes of finding a way to free Han. Ahsoka, having heard about Han’s capture, decides to do something to help. She calls up Ventress and Vader and the three of them storm Jabba’s palace to retrieve the wall decoration that is Han Solo. (Ventress does it for the lols, Vader does it because he hates Hutts and Soka does it because she wants to help the twins). The residents of Tatooine tell the story of Jabba’s death for years, no one believes them.

Then Ventress mentions Luke and Leia’s relationship to Han (which rumors had upgraded to the love of both twins’ lives and they were following in their parent’s footsteps by agreeing to share.) This, of course triggers a “Wait, I have twins? Solo is involved with My children?!? I’ll put him back in carbonite!”

Ahsoka had already gotten a message out to the rebels on where they could pick up Han but she and Vader are too busy screaming at each other to remember to leave. When the rebels arrive, they find said screaming match with Ventress just crying of laughter in the corner. Everyone gets arrested. 

(No one is exactly sure what the old bounty hunter Rako Hardeen had to do with faking one’s death, nor are they sure of what Kenobi had to do with it but yet another name is added to the rumors.)

“You want to make him suffer, make him talk about his feelings!” Ahsoka says during her questioning. Someone takes her seriously and proceeds to find Vader the most politely intimidating therapist they can. (Thankfully no one was dumb enough to move Vader out of this Force null cell for that.)

This method actually turns out to be way more effective than anyone thought it could be. The Rebels are all horrified to realize that Vader had started life as a slave and that the very suit of armor he needs to survive is also basically a torture device. After getting his permission (because consent is important, ok), more scans are taken and everyone goes from “he’s a monster” to “that poor guy” when they find evidence of multiple traumatic brain injuries. All of them created with surgical precision. These scars damaged the areas of the brain that effected impulse control, memory and aggression. Some of them appear to have been from when he was still growing. This explains a lot more than it doesn’t. Unfortunately, the Rebels do not have the resources needed to fix the damage.

Remember how I mentioned how the spies of both sides were using rumors about the Skywalkers as currency? Within three months of the first rumors there was a network of all spies working together to piece together what was actually going on. It started as a way to pass time for both sides were sick of passing information that was basically “the Rebels/the Imps are attacking”. Everyone wanted a distraction and so when suddenly there’s a scandal that involves leading figures of both sides, you better believe that everyone paid attention.

Before long there was a discrete (but well known) sub channel that was designated for Skywalker family rumors. At first it was just the spies that listened to it but then word got out and sick of the constant warring, people started tuning in. Who cares if the main players were from opposing sides? Who cares if they wanted to kill each other? The scandal of it all only made it more enticing.

And then the whole fandom (for that is what it was) was shaken to the core. The Emperor, who many had bowed to, who was said to be a protector of them all, had left his chief enforcer in a torture chamber of a suit. The outrage was horrific and when they learned just a few days later that he (Vader) had been left with brain damage too? Purposely caused damage, at that? Riots broke out. 

For days the galaxy was in an uproar, demanding answers from their leader and when said leader tried to have the rioting populous destroyed, he found himself facing a different problem. His soldiers were part of the riotous crowds. The Emperor was then forced to flee from his own angry servants, after all, being a Sith is all well and good but when you are that badly outnumbered, better find a different spot to hole up. He fled Imperial Center amidst the cheers of his now former soldiers. 

It was only after he had left that the people realized what they had done, they had overthrown their leader! Forced him off of the planet! Terrified, they reached out to the Rebellion, begging for protection. They answered, sending as many troops as they could spare ahead while the main fleet packed up and prepared to move to the renamed Coruscant.

Leading the preliminary troops was a very confused Luke Skywalker, who had only just returned from Degobah. Leia had remained with the main fleet and the unfortunately still frozen Han. Upon arrival the galaxy got their first good look at one Luke Skywalker and immediately asked for more. Strangely enough, donations to the Alliance went through the roof and other planets were begging to become a part of the Alliance. Formally Imperial ships were defecting daily as more converted to the power of fandom.

In the midst of all this, Vader is brought to Coruscant and doctors all over the planet are volunteering to help fix the damage Palpatine had caused. A month after the rioting had started most of the galaxy had joined the Alliance and Darth Vader was rid of most of the suit. He would always need medical assistance but the suit that had terrorized systems for years on end was gone. Unfortunately, the scarring was far most stubborn and most of it would remain with him until the day he died. 

And then Palpatine attempts to strike back, using the newly constructed Death Star. Unfortunately for him, this was a technological terror that had forcibly employed hundreds of engineers. The test firing went fine but the minute that he attempted to fire on a populated planet a secret subroutine was triggered and the reactors exploded, taking the entire station with them.

Coincidentally, all of the Skywalkers were currently together and attempting to get along. When the station exploded for no apparent reason, everyone concluded that the Skywalkers must have done Something. Every attempt to convince the galaxy otherwise was met with cooing at how modest they all were.

Finally, with the literal death of the old regime, things started settling down and Luke and Leia could try to defrost Han. Being frozen in carbonite was not something that a human was normally capable of surviving and defrosting him was just as likely to kill him as it was to revive him. With doctors on hand to assist, they finally remove him from his prison.

Of course, this did not help explain what had happened to Han once he was awake enough to understand.

“What do you mean the war’s over?”

“Twins? Seriously?”

“Wait, what was that about your parents?”

“Vader is what!?!?”

And so on...

Eventually the twins (plus Han and Chewie) all hear the real story from a very amused Ahsoka, who had invited Rex and Ventress to assist with the telling. The one attempt to reveal that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker to the public goes so poorly that no further efforts are made and the truth becomes a part of the Skywalker family history (and Jedi legend).

The rumor mill continued to focus on the family creating the strangest of stories and the many Jedi that followed all understood one thing, Skywalkers were impossible to keep up with.

Meanwhile in the Force:

“Why do people believe that I was in a relationship with Anakin? He was so in love with Padmé I had to run interference constantly!”

“Close relationship, you had. Remember that, people do.”

“It could be worse, my padawan, they could have said you were in a relationship with Palpatine.”

“Just chill Obi! I know you only have eyes for me!”

“Quin, they think you’re Vader.”

“...the fffff”

“They also just paired you with Palpatine.”

“The thought of that might turn me straight...”

**Author's Note:**

> So, hope you survived the poor writing but I figured if you are reading this you did. Anyways, if you want to adopt this bunny please message me so that I can read yours. <3  
> -The Seer


End file.
